Why I hate douchebag triathletes.

15 08 2010

Well, really it could be anyone but if I stick the word Triathlon in here enough times people will hit on this like crazy….

What I am really speaking of is holier than thou middle aged douchbag triathlete (DT’s for short).  You know, the kind that believe they are going mach 3.  That if their heart rate dropped below 175 the entire ride is ruined.  The kind that are too busy to acknowledge your existence or look at your somewhat pudgy belly and old bicycle and write you off as a know nothing, hogging the road wasting space kind of person.

Yes, I had an experience with that type today.   Riding along with a lady friend of mine side by side in an approved bicycle path near one of the national parks here.   Loafing, going about 12mph and this triathlete- You know the type in about 3 milliseconds.  The requisite sleeveless jesery, the specialized bicycle yadda, yadda.    Says quite loudly.   “You cannot ride side by side on a road like this.”  Huh?  It’s an official bicycle path for Gods sake.   I would have been o.k.  if he had introduced himself then said it but no.  Instead of keeping his mis-informed opinion to himself he is the cop of the bike world.

So,  You know since these Tri Guy Douches go so fast it took me about 15 second to catch him at which point he was riding with his buddy DT guy and one tells the other to put the hammer down and strip me off.   Nice.

Yes, he even looked a bit like this.  Buff, tattoos and the bracelet of course…..

the speed increased.  Wish these were the old days but honestly it was something I could only comfortably keep up for 5 minutes or so and didn’t want to bury my fat ass and I was a mile ahead of my riding partners so I fell back and rejoined my comrades.

He was at the local stop up the road.  I parked, had some water.  He left and I pointed him out to a friend of mine.  He saw it.   That is when the chest puffing began.   I started it.  But this moron circles the parking lot looking for a fight.   Tells me I put him in the road and that is why he told me off.   Let me say here.  I was the closest one to the dirt side.  My partner was well within the white line.   DT (douchbag tri-guy) could have waited until it was safe to pass but he did not.

Next his buddy DT says “you just couldn’t hang on”  My next response which was my only verbal comment of the altercation was “I didn’t want to, I am riding with my friends”

I ignore the stupid DT from then on, which only just annoys him further but he finally goes away.  Crisis averted.

I am sure every generation says this but common courtesy has become less and less prevalent.  A simple hello could have made this a lot easier.   I really have no idea what kind of planet some of these guys come from.

So why do I hate some DT’s?   This guy was obviously very fit (tall, buff, shaved)  but on a bike he was slow as molasses.   That is not uncommon for a  DT.    Both of these guys handling skills were non-existent (squirrely and very common for a DT)  It’s a Sunday out at the park, not a time for racing (It is always time for racing for a douche.)  More money than brains.  Yes, the DT is infamous for being hypnotized by Cervelo adds.  Best of all.  The douche triathlete always has to be sporting a deep dark tan and wear practically nothing even though we live in the desert with high incidences of skin cancer.    Skin cancer is the coolest!

Why not work hard, play hard but take a bit of time to smell the roses eh?

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6 responses

17 08 2010

Amen, Dave! Whatever happened to the “solidarity wave” amongst cyclists. I see the Harley riders do it, but now days hardly anyone returns the cyclist wave. I also love the DT guys that come charging by in the big ring, passing me like I’m some first time rider and when I come up behind them at the next light they won’t give me the time of day. “Oh, yeah, you are some cycling Adonis. You just caught and passed an old, forty something, washed up road racer on a twenty year old lugged steel 7 speed (cuz you don’t need more than that in Phoenix) out for a spin. Yup, you da man! I wish I could do that.” How about a “hey, how’s the ride goin?” or “a bad right in the saddle is better than a good day at work, eh?”. We seem to be losing the “soul” of cycling these days.

24 08 2010
Craig Ryan

Go easy on your heart Dave, we need you around! Sorry to hear about these things, but I guess they happen.

24 09 2010
gregory keefer

You know, I was just thinking about the “solidarity wave,” coming back from my ride the other night. It was one of the first things taught to me when I really began riding the road in Colorado in 1999. You always wave or have some courteous semblance of acknowledging your partners out there on the road with you. It’s not that hard. Even a smile…or something.

18 04 2012

I’m a “middle-aged” triathlete, who took up the sport to help my fitness and make new friends. It’s sad to think you are judging all triathletes by one bad apple. Sometimes, if I’m trying to push myself and do some intervals, I don’t have the ability to “wave” to someone or have some witty banter, yet that makes me a “douchebag.” Stop generalizing and grow up.

18 04 2012

I am not judging all triathletes, Just this one on this particular ride and the ilk like him.

If you pass two other riders at high speed on a bike path and weave into a public roadway while doing one of your intervals so you can get 500+ place in a local triathalon. Then you are a douchbag. If not, don’t worry about it.

25 11 2012
joe whitmore

I stopped doing triathlons 20 years ago. Started doing them after i got out of the Navy as a search and rescue swimmer for a challenge. Loved the sport but never really liked the people who did them very much. I remember watching Tom Warren finish the Ironman on TV in the 70s. He was and always will be the true Ironman for me. The only person he ever tried to prove anything to was himself, as with me. Im starting them again thi year so I dont drop dead from a heart attack in my 50s. Plain and simple,Im obsessive compulsive although I hate lables. I love the physical challenge! There will always be the DB’s in every group of like minded people. IGNORE THEM !!

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