Fight Back! with David “horowitz” Bohm

30 06 2008

Today’s installment of “fight back” is Serotta’s Paint program.

Here is the Jive assed shite lingo on their website…

“Serotta has the largest selection of custom finishes in the industry. We offer natural carbon and titanium finishes as well as twenty six colors of paint with a wide variety of unique paint schemes and decal options to choose from. Each of our bikes is meticulously finished in our Saratoga Springs paint shop with three coats of fine metallic clear for a deep 3D appearance. You choose from the SE and GS finish options offered for each Serotta Custom model or create your own Dream Bike where the options are unlimited.”

O.k. let me get this straight. 26 colors… WOW! with a capital sarcastic WOW!  that certainly must qualify as the ” the largest selection of custom finishes in the industry”  That is if you consider the “industry” to be Serotta and Huffy.

In my shop I technically have the ability of producing more colors than the human eye could differentiate. In other words that is somewhere around 10 million. A little like calling Fords colors of the year a custom car program. But hey, it gets better.

The price is awesome. Awesomely, stupendously, expensive that is. Now don’t get me wrong everyone deserves to make a fair rate for work performed. But you want your bike two colors with you name on the top tube and a head badge? Yes sir that will be $1200.00 dollars. That by the way is added to the 8,395.00 that they are charging you already for what is essentially a production bicycle that has about 700.00 of hard costs, not all that unlike the 300 dollar carbon special from Taiwan.

What I am getting at here is that probably a MeiVici is a fine bicycle but really….The marketing hype is so thick on this one, I would have to get my grinder out to get through it. 26 colors is all they can offer you? Decals? (stickers) Wan’t them to paint the Serotta name on their own bike? $395.00 Carbon tubes that cost 65 bucks a piece and 20 man hours later it becomes $8395.00?

I have a bridge for sale in Arizona….. cheap….Call me anytime.

london bridge in Lake Havasu, imported brick by brick


How many women or how many paint jobs?

8 06 2008

There is a whole heap of impossibilities in the bike world. Really think about what people claim, write, etc and analyze it, because custom framebuilders exaggerate with the best of them.

Here is an example for you. Coat “a paint shop” created by Sacha white….

Now, Sacha is one of the kings of marketing in this business. Once you get past the numerous adjectives…delicious, science, solid all of which on their own mean nothing. You can read that year one capacity is 200 frames and on the last page Jason Weber can paint “two to three thousand” bikes a year.

Yes, I said thousand/s

Now this reminds me of the late Wilt Chamberlain who claimed to have 20,000 booty calls. Now lets break this down a bit. I assume that most of the booty happened when Wilt was a younger man. Lets say between 17-50 or 33 years. So if we have 33 years of active humpage, that would turn out to 606 women a year or nearly 2 new ones every day. Even Wilt has to take a day off once in a while, (Stud horses are only up for 150 days a year for Gods sake.) So that would be even more per day on, lets say three. Hey man, anybody who can bed three women a day is more dedicated and type A than I could ever be.

But lets get back to claims of exaggerated production in the bicycle world. 3,000 painted bikes a year? by one guy? Who the heck would even want a painter that was moving this fast ( 12 painted frames a day) So unless this guy has a paint gun glued to his hand there is no way that anybody could accomplish this or would want too, but for some reason this number is impressive? Small numbers are impressive to me. JB (Joe Bell or as I think about him the great and wonderful OZ) paints around 600 frames a year as I understand it and has a team of 2-3 employees. He doesn’t advertise to speak of, he doesn’t use meaningless buzz words, he doesn’t have tats or earplugs or an aloof look about him at all times. What he does do is paint, and paint spectacularly well.

I remember Wilt for the great Basketball he played, that didn’t need any exaggeration. Great painters and framebuilders, like Sacha and numerous others don’t need it either.

The pains of being a hard ass…

8 06 2008

Recently, I have been acutely aware of my growing hard assedness. Heck at this point, my stomach might be soft but my buns are 62 on the Rockwell scale.

So here is what I am talking about. Who do I admire? Hardasses…cause they tell it like it is, at least to them and at the very least they actually have an opinion about something. The good news is that HA’s (hardasses) generally tend to be right about things.

It feels like the whole world is in a constant state of panic about what they say, lest they insult somebody or just generally be a real poop. God forbid somebody being a truly stupid wanker get called out nowadays by somebody who may really have experience and knowledge in something. Naw, you have to preface everything you say so that it will have the minimum amount of negative spin on it. Everyone must get a medal right?

When I did have a job working for the “MAN” and the man didn’t like what I was doing or how I was doing it, it took the “man” 30 minutes just to segway into the issue. I was like…. OUT WITH IT MAN!!! I can take it, I am a big boy, ain’t going to cry if I don’t like what you have to say, it is still real none-the-less.

Heck, Obama who when he speaks I can see the machine churning, analyzing everything about to come out of his mouth still gets caught off guard.

“You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are going to regenerate and they have not.

“And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”

Could this be any more true?

So, I am going to keep on blurting out what I think to be true, you might disagree but at least you will know how I think about it in about 2 mins flat and I won’t be insulted if I get the same from you.